I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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