Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
whose parrot is this?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
