I hate your face
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
