hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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