420 ftw
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
