i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
