Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
