Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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