Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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