I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
