would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So. Much. Porn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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