I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
