Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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