Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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