i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
