It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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