need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
