please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize