So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
