Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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