literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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