he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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