Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just invented taco cereal.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
