Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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