Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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