I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
