Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
