So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
