So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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