Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize