I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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