I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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