he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
