pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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