Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
