Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
