I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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