i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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