I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
