Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
