I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I party with great urgency now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
