i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
