He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
