"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
