I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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