Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
