here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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