A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
