you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
