Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
