I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
