and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
