Don't you send me to vm
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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