clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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