Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
