Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
