What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
