Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
