The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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