bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
