I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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