Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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