I want to stick my p in your. b.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
