fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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