Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
