I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
