Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
