If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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