there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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