I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
