In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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