the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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