Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
