if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
