Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
